On one particular occasion we had a fairly serious argument and mutually decided to stop the relationship then and there. We left each other, possibly for the last time, feeling upset and heading for our respective homes. I myself felt that the best thing to do under the circumstances was to be alone and think.
Back in my flat in Stockwell, I tried to calm my unsettled mind but could not. Eventually I tried to relax by lying down on the bed.
After a short time, I seemed to have drifted into a semi-conscious state. I don’t think I ever fell asleep, but I seemed to be having some sort of a dream. I still do not quite know how to describe that state because, at the same time, I was fully aware of what was happening.
In this ‘dream’ I was in Victoria station in London, just inside the entrance where people congregate in front of the platforms. I was amazed to see Joan, from the Denton prayer group, standing on the steps and laying hands on my other friend Lalage. I can still recall the sense of excitement and expectation as I went towards them so that she could lay hands on me also. As I approached, she suddenly turned and went into a red phone box. I followed quickly and as I reached her Joan disappeared and I became aware that I was in the presence of the Mother of God but I could not see her.
I can remember asking, “What am I supposed to be doing?”.
I still saw no one but heard her voice very distinctly. “Follow me in procession and I will protect you from persecution.” This mystified me since I knew of only a few religious processions in England and wondered which one in particular.
Again, the Lady in the dream assured me that a woman would tell me about the procession. She then added these words. “For the love of God, look after my little children” and ended by saying “Do not chase me. Whenever you need me, I will come to you.”
I came to, still lying on my bed and felt as though I had been in some sort of a trance. However, the memory of it was still in my mind and I was sure that a genuine conversation had taken place. The events which followed finally testified to the reality of this experience.
Not too long afterwards I heard a knocking on the door and, sure enough, Ursula was outside looking distraught and concerned about our feelings of estrangement. It seems she had also fallen asleep and had a dream experience which had brought her back to my door.
I blurted out the story of what had happened, and she listened intently then suggested we go off to Westminster Cathedral and pray about things.
Off we went, both quietly absorbed in our own experience.
When we arrived at the Cathedral, I took the opportunity to go to confession and then wandered off to a statue of Our Lady to say my penance. I remember noting that I had never seen this particular statue before.
I knelt there quietly, deep in thought, but as I did so, I became aware of a woman standing alongside me. I looked at her out of curiosity.
She looked down at me. “Do you love her?” she asked, quite simply.
I was quite amazed at her question and a little puzzled. To my mind I thought it was obvious that I did, since I was kneeling in front of her statue. I was embarrassed and quietly answered, “yes, I do.”
She then told me that this was the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes and there would be a procession in her honour that evening at 6.30.
“Where?” I asked.
“Right here, in this Cathedral. They will process around the inside of the Church.”
Believe it or not, nothing registered too deeply at that point. I did not make the connection with the earlier experience and got up and went to find Ursula at the back of the church. When I found her, I suggested we leave and go back home.
As we got into Victoria station, I told Ursula about the woman near the statue. She looked at me in amazement and gasped “Don’t you realize, that is exactly what you told me happened in your dream. Let’s go back and follow the procession after Mass.” It was only then that everything crowded back into my mind, and I totally agreed that we should go back. We wandered back to the Cathedral, rather mystified and intrigued.
When we got there, mass had already started, and we just managed to find seats near the back but we were separated by a few people between us. The sermon was about to start, and we listened with interest.
The priest started. “About a hundred years before the apparition at Lourdes there was a holy man who went around the streets yelling ’for the love of God look after my little children’.” A cold shiver went down my spine as I recognized the words from my dream. In amazement, I looked over at Ursula who, in turn was just as surprised, and was looking over at me.
At the end of mass, there was no question. We dutifully, joined the procession, rather bewildered at what all of this meant. But now we were of one mind, with a newfound peace and commitment, knowing that God wanted us to work and be together.
I realized then, or perhaps much later on, that what Our Lady was trying to tell me was that I need not chase her and the extraordinary, but that she would come to me whenever there was a real need. She loved me.
Little did I know that within a year of marrying Ursula I would become a teacher in an Anglican prep. school, looking after little children.’ However, that was only part of what she meant by ‘Little Children’.